It’s been 6 days of being 26 years old and it’s been great so far. Then again it has only been a few days! Around my birthday and at the beginning of each new year I always find myself reflecting on the previous year. I think about how far I have come and maybe an area of my life that I need to give myself a pat on the back for those accomplishments. I originally wanted to post this on my birthday, but I was on a trip and it takes me a little bit longer to write personal posts than style posts. But here it is! I wanted to share with you what I have been reflecting on, so here are three things that I have learned over the past year.
Be kind to yourself
I had seen/heard this phrase so many times on social media and in conversation, especially with all the talk about mental health. This basically sums up an area of my life in where I am overly critical when different things in life do not go as planned. I feel like I can say that I am a self-aware person and take constructive criticism well. Honestly, I would take pride in the fact that someone could criticize me, and I would not fly off the handle and take it personally. However, it was what would happen once I would be alone, and I would criticize every part of me related to that issue. More times than not the criticism would turn into self-destructive thoughts.
I constantly feel like I can be doing better in life, growing and learning more when it comes to my blog, becoming a better person (mentally, spiritually, physically), be a better friend, etc… the list goes on and on. I think it was this past Friendsmas with Chelsey and Jon, that Jon told me I need to look back and appreciate all that I have accomplished with my blog up to this point. That is something I need to do in life! Not just with my blog. For me, being able to look back on a year and give myself credit or praise for areas of my life that I have done well in, really pulls me out of that destructive mindset. Even something small that took place and it had a positive result, it all matters. So that’s were being kind to yourself is that bullet point for that area of my life.
If he ain’t gonna treat you the way he should, then let it goooo
If you haven’t heard that song by Keisha Cole, go listen to it right after you finish this. 14-year-old me would love to belt out this song because 1) I loved trying to hit all the notes, and 2) I would think of some imaginary boy that I would be telling off like in the video. Ha little did I know 11 years later I would be doing the exact opposite! Trying to hang on to men that don’t treat me right and try to make excuses for their behaviors to myself. I could easily go into the black hole called dating as a millennial woman in 2018-2019 but I will save that for another post. I will say if you are looking for a sign to cut off the f**k boys and FWB’s HERE IT IS! This past year dating (before I meet Sean) is clearly depicted as shown below:
I guess I should start right when I turned 25, which was right after another absolutely stupid and unnecessary situation with a guy. Quick story: I met and dated a guy for a month who was from Houston. Things were moving slightly fast, but it all seemed to make sense to me and he met a lot of my expectations of what I wanted in a life partner. Fast forward to the end of that month, turns out he had a girlfriend that lived in Houston and lied to me about it…like I said Stupid and Unnecessary situation. But ANYWAY, that is another chapter in the Men Ain’t Shit book of life.
So, all that went down about 5 days before my birthday. My 25th birthday was great because I have always had a great group of friends around me throughout life. Then there was the nosedive/downward spiral of constantly crying, erratic behavior, and just plain old acting out. I was still trying to enjoy my life even though had been extremely hurt by the whole situation. I would drink way too much and call my friends and cry hysterically on the phone trying to figure out why this still happened to me even though I have asked all the right questions. Then to make myself feel wanted, I’d go fan the flame of the good old FWB that I swore I would never go back too. Let me just pause and say I was a hot ass mess! Part two of my life in a nutshell shown below…
Well about 2 and a half months into the nosedive of wherever my life was going, I started to kind of get past the situation. Since I was blocked on every social media platform and by phone there was no way I could even be in contact. In hindsight that was what I needed so that I wouldn’t drag that garbage into the next phase of life. THEN on August 11th, I met Sean. Talk about meeting someone when you least expect it. At first, I was super nervous about it because of what JUST happened. After our first date, I told myself that I would give him a chance. It was not an easy journey because every insecurity I have ever had with men came out 10-fold. However, I made a conscious decision to talk through my feelings with him (at any moment), rather than let those emotions run wild and control how I react to things. Whew, talk about trying to grow and change…Believe me, there were times where my eye would twitch trying to keep the (psycho side of me in) and through gritted teeth, I’d tell myself, “no I’m not going to react poorly to this”. But hey, counting to ten apparently works haha
If you got nothing else from this just know your worth ladies (and the few men that read this). Start cutting the dead weight off (aka. The f**k boys and FWB’s) they will not bring you joy nor will they wake up one day and decide to take you on a date and treat you differently. It took me several years to figure that out. I am here to say it don’t work like that! Focus on you, surround yourself with great friends, and become the person you would want to be in a life partner.
Get your finances in order
That last part of the sentence above has been an area that I have been putting in the work. In finances, I strive to become the person that I would want to be married to. I finally found a budget system that works for me and that I could easily understand and manage. I currently use the Zero Based Budget that I learned from Dave Ramsey. It really helped me not to become overwhelmed with student loan payments, living expenses, and to take action! I am not always perfect, and I have fallen off track a few times. However, that is another “pat on the back” I give myself for this past year. I used to be paralyzed and overwhelmed on how I am supposed to tackle finances. Only because I know from experience it can quickly become a slippery slope of bad spending habits. But no more! I’m a work in progress and it is getting better every day.
Well, there you go. That is a high-level look at what I have been journaling away for the past year. It has been a crazy year full of many life experiences, but I am so looking forward to this new season in life. Writing more personal posts seem to take more time and thought but I do enjoy sharing my life with you. Maybe I will write about another topic here soon but until then I will talk to you later! <3 🙂
Photography by Sean Baier
